Conflict de-escalating communication
Assertive communication
Being able to communicate assertively by listening and being solution-oriented is essential for creating a good relationship in the workplace. Especially when discussing difficult issues, it is important to be assertive and show the other party that you are present and listening.
People misunderstand and conflicts can arise, it's natural.
EVERYONE has good reasons for doing what they do based on their perspective, understandings, general knowledge and personal experience. When misunderstandings arise, so does the fear of being left out. This is exactly what you need to learn to reduce/meet by being assertive in your communication with each other.
Here you can see examples of assertive communication!
The conflict ladder
Take responsibility for the situation and the relationship. Focus on the challenge and the issue, not the person!
It is never the person who is the problem. If you allow yourself to let the person become the problem, you are already in a conflict and not contributing to a solution constructively.
Always stay in your "own lane"
Understand differences, feelings, and needs
Listen and respond with empathy when others express their feelings
Be curious and ask open questions
Remember to separate emotions from facts
The leader's conflict competence
Conflict is a condition that creates dynamics in the workplace. This means that our daily lives are filled with conflict. There is a fine line between when conflicts create dynamics and development or drain the collaboration and the organization. Being aware of your communication and ensuring appropriate behavior towards each other is a responsibility you have whether you have management responsibility or not.
Communicating clearly, constructively, and always de-escalating conflicts is essential for the 3 diamonds of social capital.
Communicating in a way that de-escalates conflicts makes dialogues equal and requires your presence, curiosity, and neutrality while maintaining your own point of view.
But be careful not to climb the conflict ladder. Shifting focus from your own point of view to a you-language that can be perceived as an attack by the recipient.
Conflict management can be difficult and intangible - watch these videos on how to resolve conflicts constructively in your communication
Pay attention to the giraffe and wolf language
How do you communicate?
The clear giraffe: Giraffe language is assertive and based on non-violent communication. You start with yourself and are clear about your needs. The aim is not to speak formal giraffe language, but to achieve intimacy when meeting others who themselves meet you with an assertive approach. This makes it necessary to have a language that expresses peace and harmony and enables us to resolve conflicts peacefully. When you speak giraffe language, you create connection instead of conflict. In Giraffe language, you use your feelings and needs as a starting point for a form of communication where you also know how to listen to the feelings and needs of others.
Wolf language is the opposite of giraffe language. When you speak wolf language, you judge and accuse the other person, hear what you want to hear, and have a hard time sticking to the point.
You must control your inner wolf. Wolf language attacks and is not constructive. A wolf can be expressed within ourselves by
“Why had I not thought of that”
“I am not as good as the others”
The outer wolf attacks and speaks in “you”-language, interrupts, and asks leading questions. It often places blame and shame on the recipient while maintaining their own principle. Instead of spending time and energy attacking each other, blaming each other, and getting angry/disappointed with others' behavior, you can remind yourself of the value of giraffe language.
You have to make a conscious choice to speak giraffe language
A giraffe stays in its own lane and draws from its own experiences. It understands differences and emotions and listens with empathy. Giraffes communicate in first-person language and are curious with open questions. Giraffes separate facts from emotions and take responsibility for the relationship and situation. Giraffes communicate on level 1 of the conflict ladder. Be clear in your communication, what is being experienced, what effect does it have and what are the consequences for your own actions? Then take time to listen to the other party's perspective and find an equitable solution.